so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
