I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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