i jhust puked up my retainher.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
