Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
