I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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