The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
