i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
