i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize