ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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