i will never coherently bang her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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