she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
