this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My pussy is not your playground.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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