It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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