DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
