billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize