i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
