I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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