***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
