Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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