I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
