M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
