Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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