my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
