so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
