Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
