I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
