he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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