Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I looked at my own cervix.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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