You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize