what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
