I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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