I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
