Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
