It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize