I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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