oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
