three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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