I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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