Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
