i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize