i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
