By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
