In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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