You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
