my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
