i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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