I wish I could punch you in the face.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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