He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
