Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
