never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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