Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
