I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
