Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize