fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
