Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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