New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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