I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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