There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
