He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
