Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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