I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
