i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
