time to smoke my breakfast
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
