I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
