I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
