If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
love makes seman taste better
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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