i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
