apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
