I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
