Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
