i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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