I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
