I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
