the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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