lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
