Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just cropdusted the office
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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