Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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