I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize