he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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