we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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