i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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